May your way.. errr MY way.

Its May. "May my way" to be exact. And I'm about to begin another great weight loss challenge a shrinkingjeans.net . As I begin this challenge, I go into it cautiously. Since I started my weight loss journey last year, I have lost 31 lbs.. but Ive gained 12 lbs back over the last 2 months. Since before Christmas last year, I have been struggling with depression. What at first I thought were just financial stress and winter blues, I brushed them away.. Then as the last few months progressed I found myself unable to fake it much longer. I was getting worse and worse every day. Id wake up and be angry and at my stress breaking point 10 minutes into my day. It was no way to start my day, or my kids day while I got them ready for school. I was becoming withdrawn from and angry at my husband for no valid reasons (other than the reasons I was angry at him before I was depressed lol). I just had a completely helpless/hopeless feeling, I was never suicidal, I just don't care. I've slacked off on housework, laundry, my appearance. I honestly think I faked it well enough, no one except a couple of my good friends. No one in my family has any idea, or at least they didn't say they did. Finally last week I was at my breaking point. Nothing spectacular happened to send me there. I just realized that after 3 days of crying at the drop of a hat, having the worst headache and being completely scared that I couldn't focus, I went to the doctors. I've never cried in the dr's office so much. At the end of the appointment he ended up putting me on zoloft. I've been on it 5 days now and I am beginning to feel a difference. I can tell that I wasn't nearly as stressed this morning getting the kids ready for school and on an even better note, since the day I started taking it, I have lost a pound a day. It will still be a day to day battle and I know they won't all be good days. But I will be happier when I can begin to feel somewhat normal again. I will make simple, easy to meet goals for this months challenge. Goals that I know I can reach every day and if I do more, then it's a bonus. I know I have to push myself, but I also don't want to set unattainable goals for myself anymore. It only makes me feel worse when I don't live up to them. So, My goals are the following:

1. Stay under my calorie goal every day.

2. Work out/walk at least 30 mins 4 times a week.

3. Keep drinking water and lower my salt intake.

4. Remember to take the good with the bad and don't let it bring me down, in life and weightloss.

My April Initiative.. a day late

Ok. Its time to get serious. I've been just going through the motions the last month and putting VERY little effort into weight loss. I have to force myself to get back into the swing of things. So starting today (I was on the couch most of yesterday with 'issues' (mother nature blows) ) and for the rest of the month of April I will push myself:

1. I will work out every day.

2. I will watch what I eat more closely and make better decisions.

3. I will burn AT LEAST 3000 calories a day. I will keep track of this using my Body Media Fit meter.

4. I will post my body media fit results on Facebook every night to give me the added incentive to keep motivated.

5. Get back into the 100 push ups challenge that I've slacked off on as well.

I hope I can accomplish this goal I have set. It won't be easy, but I have to try my hardest to do what is best for my health.

The Gauntlet has been thrown! -- YIKES

SpringN2action week 2 check-in

Ok, I'm a little slow this week at writing my blog post.. 2 lbs down this week. *Weeee!* - and 80 left to go. *sigh* . You'd think that I'd be pushing myself to the limit seeing that it's almost summer, but I've gotten in my lazy phase again! I need a kick in the ass! I'm still eating moderately well, I don't go over my calorie goal too too often, but I have really slacked off in the exercise department. I want to be skinny.. I really do, I just hate to work at it. Unbelievable! Unacceptable! I'm doing myself, and my family no justice at all not getting healthy. Yep. I said it. But will I change? *shakes my magic 8 ball... Ask again later? wha?*

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

100 pushup challenge EPIC FAIL

I can't do it. I oh-so hate to admit defeat.. but I have to here. I have not been able to do 1 freaking military style push up yet.. I can do 40-50 against my bathroom counter, or the kitchen counter, or the washing machine.. but NONE on the floor. My wrists, elbows and shoulders hurt horribly when I try, and my back sags. No core strength sucks ass! I wish I knew what to do. Maybe planks? Work on my core? I don't know... all I know is that this sucks :/. I'm still going to do them against the counter, but thats not the whole point of this challenge and it doesn't help in my mind either.

Ok.. just had to whine for a moment.

100 pushup challenge

What have I gotten myself into?! 100 push ups? hahaha.

So, I took the initial test on Wednesday, and miraculously squeeked out 2 and a half. I have no idea how. Probably my form was horrible and they weren't real military style at all. All I could see is the floor and the cat winding around my arms and everything else was a blur lol. I tried them again this morning and my arms refused to lift me.

I always thought I had decent strength in my arms, this is a wake up call. So I decided to go and do them against the wall. I measured and my feet were 34 inches from the wall and I managed to do 25. I could have done more! I really felt the burn at the front of my arms above my boobs. I liked the burn feeling! I was very careful about my form, being sure to stay straight and ONLY use my arms to push me back up.

Overall I was happy with the 25. I will continue to do the wall pushups, and throw in some attempts at military and/or girl style as well until my arms are strong enough to do military consistently.

No comparison what so ever..

Dave Zinczenko posted on twitter this morning: "SHOCKING: The average American uses 100 gallons of water at home per day, says new National Geo study. Ethiopians? 2.5"

Ok.. how can you possibly compare our water usage to the Ethiopians?

Now I'll admit, while I don't waste water, I probably don't do enough to conserve it either. But there are several differences between us and Ethiopians that this comparison is just insane to me and makes us look wasteful and unappreciative of running water.

1. We don't run around 1/2 naked in loin cloths or shorts. We do laundry, most of us have large families (5 in ours and husband has separate work uniform, so more like 6)

2. We aren't dehydrated, so we drink a lot of the water we use.

3. We bath regularly (Ok, most of us do). In a shower, not down at a creek filled with E Coli.

4. We cook with water. I'm sure we cook a lot more with water than the typical Ethiopian family does.

5. We brush our teeth, water our lawns/gardens, wash our cars etc.

Our quality of lives are too different for an accurate comparison.

I just felt a sudden overpowering need to blog about that post. I feel better now lol.

Weigh in.. 2/2

Well, I have to say that I'm shocked, and happy.. Ive lost 2 lbs this week! Given what has been going on with me this last 5 days with yet another heavy period (3rd one since the week of Dec 14th) I feel bloated and icky. I can only imagine how much weight I could have lost this week if 1) I wasn't bloated and 2) I could work out at all.

I also have to say.. I LOVE my bodyfit meter! It really shows me what I need to improve on, and I love to see how many calories that normal every day chores burn. I think it makes me more active seeing in broken down so well and clear!

Last week Gamestop.com offered the new Wii Zumba game for $29.99.. $10 off! - So as of today.. I'm just waiting for it to show up in the mail - Oh and it was FREE shipping!! I can't wait to get it and start using it. Ive lost interest in the ea active.. I think if I wasn't doing just the '30 day challenge' I probably would be using it more. I have to get back into working out, I notice my back is tightening up and my overall energy is sluggish at best most days.

Here's hoping that this next week will be positive and healthy!

Weekly Wed check-in Power Of One challenge 1/5

Hmm, Im not impressed this week. With anything. .7 loss? blah. I'm having some health issues, and haven't cared in the least to work out or attempt to eat correctly. Not that I haven't wanted to work out, but my health issues have had me confined to my desk chair or the couch since Thursday. I can't even clean my house, and yea. god forbid a child or anyone else pick anything up off the floor. All I want is to feel better, so I can feel better about myself, move forward and lose more weight. Maybe that will all change after I go to the Dr's this afternoon.. I hope. For now, Im just miserable, with nothing good to blog. :/

The power of ONE. One more pound. One more workout. One more bottle of water. One more good food choice. One more step towards a new-and-improved ME. One more fantastic challenge on shrinkingjeans.net.

It all boils down to ONE. Only one person has control over my weight, only one person can be strong enough to break the destructive cycle and choose to live a better, more healthy lifestyle, and that one person is ME.

As I start this challenge today 12/29/10, I am 270 lbs. I have lost 25 pounds so far. That in itself is a HUGE accomplishment for me. I still have 90 pounds to go, I know that means I still have a long way to go. But every pound I lose, every new shirt or pants I buy in a smaller size just solidifies the fact that I am doing a good job.

Ive slacked off these last two weeks, I really need to get back on track and be more serious. Although I tried to make good.. umm.. decent? food choices, I found m

yself enjoying food a little too much through the Holiday

s. And as much as I want to say "Oh well, I can start over on counting calories and I didn't do too much damage to myself" I know in my head that I did sabotage myself a little bit. I need to get over those negative thoughts and move on.

I look forward to this new challenge for many reasons. But I think I am looking forward to it most because it is total personal accountability. You won't have a team average on weigh in days, you have to push yourself to do the best you can do. And, you also wont be held back by team members who hadn't taken the challenge serious enough to stay with it. So I look forward to beating myself each week!

I am including pictures that were taken on Dec 16th. I did not take pictures today, but I took these on my birthday, I figured they would be a good baseline to go by, I cant wait to take pictures on my next birthday and see how far I've come in a year! Maybe I should start taking them every week and create a slide show.. hmm..

*sigh* I suck

Well, this is what I get for taking 4 days off and completely not caring. I gained back all the weight I lost last week. I am so not happy. I thought I wasn't doing too bad, I avoided some stuff, didn't other stuff. Either way, I feel like crap about it all. Id like to say that the fact I've hit some depression and am bloated for some unknown reason has played into the weight gain. But inevitably its ALL on me. Apparently the cookies Ive been eating for breakfast the last 2 days weren't my best decision. One step forward.. 3 steps back. I need to get back on track, and quickly.

Holiday Hoe Down, week 4 check-in

I have no idea how Im doing this. Ive lost 3.6 lbs this week! And to be honest, I slacked off a little this week on the water, and my exercise has been severely inconsistent and yet Ive lost over 3lbs. I'm counting my calories, Ive been busy in the house, baking and cleaning, but not sure that accounts to this much of a weight loss.. I suppose I shouldn't be complaining though! It will be interesting to see how this week goes for me. I have decided not to log any of my food Thursday through Sunday. I have a very busy 4 days ahead of me, including a birthday, a basketball game, a night without the kids, a day of power shopping to finish Christmas, and a trip to the in-laws for our Christmas with them. I will still make a semi conscious effort to make good food choices, but I plan on enjoying myself this weekend, and if a calorie laden meal, or a few too many baked goods happen to find their way in, so be it. I will start back Monday with exercise and fewer calories.

I'm going to have my husband (or child) take a picture of me tomorrow, better than the pictures I had taken by myself.. so I have a better picture to compare to in a couple of months.. although I have been losing weight for a few months now, I feel that my birthday is a good day to create a new baseline picture! Not sure what 'new' thing Ill try next week.. Ill have to think about it and blog later.

Wishing everyone that happens to read this a fantastic Holiday!

OCD weigher

For most people, the scale is a dreaded item in their bathrooms, an ominous reminder of what they aren't doing to lose weight.. For me, it's something I look forward to every morning. I wake up, I go to the bathroom and I weigh myself.. every morning. I know, most things you read say, weigh once a week.. well pfft. I want to see! I get excited with a .6oz drop lol. Sometimes I even weigh before bed to see what Ive gained throughout the day and how much of a difference it is in the morning. Yep, I'm obsessed with it. Today was one of those thrilling days! I knew I was close yesterday.. I was just dying for this morning! I weighed and I am officially the lowest weight Ive been in 5 yrs! (And now only 5 lbs more than my husband - I have it in my head that a woman should weigh less than her husband.) Seeing that this morning gave me more incentive to keep going, to keep counting my calories and to keep losing this dreaded weight! My goal by New Years is to weigh less than Bryan.. and I WILL do it!

Week #3 Weigh-in and blog.

Another week down.. Another 2 lbs lost! A girl could get used to this! As of today, I am 271! I was hoping to be under 270 this week.. but thanks to mother nature (Bitch!) I am bloated like mad this week :( *sings "All I want for Christmas is to be under 265" LOL*

I am thoroughly convinced that counting calories is the BEST way to lose the weight. A couple years ago I did the cottage cheese for breakfast, salad for lunch and a small dinner - worked out everyday diet and I did great on it for the first month. I lost almost 30 lbs in 30 days. But what I learned is, 1) that fast a weightloss isn't healthy and 2) I really, really hated salad and cottage cheese. Then I gave up... and gained it all back - quickly. I can't say enough good about myfitnesspal.com they have made it so easy to keep track of my food and my exercise and they give me numbers that I can keep track of.

Although Im thrilled that I am losing weight with this new challenge at shrinkingjeans.net , I am a little frustrated that our team will never win a weekly challenge. Isn't that the whole point of joining a challenge? To win? (and don't say, "oh its not if you win or lose, but at least you're having fun" - I was a soccer coach. Losing sucks, you play to win!) We have ladies in our group that have never posted on the forum, and for all I know, have never weighed in once. We have one that dropped out today to focus on family.. and I can certainly understand wanting (needing) to focus on family, and I wish her all the luck with any focus she can find this time of year, but when you commit to something, you should see it through, for better or worse. I am so proud of my good friend Lori who's in our little group with me.. She has come so far on her weightloss journey and she is looking great! I only hope I can be half as successful as her (Well, I will be half as successful as her when I lose another 4 lbs! LOL) We may all have our bad weeks, make our bad food choices, go off and eat that huge pile of spaghetti, or those extra donuts.. but its all in how we recover from that that will make us win this battle!

On a side note.. I'm still DYING for a bodymedia fit meter! GRR - Maybe my MIL will give me $ for my birthday/Christmas and I can buy it myself ...

Before.... and now.

Ok, you can say it. I'm a copycat.. lol. My good friend Lori was brave enough to post her before and as-of-now pics and it got me searching my pc for the self picture I took the day I started the Shrinkvivor challenge over at shrinkingjeans.net, and then I ran to the bedroom to take my own as-of-now pic.. They are horrible pics, the kids didn't want to help me take a pic.. brats! But I can see a difference! Picture on left is before, on right is as of today. I've lost 20 lbs so far.. Please overlook the messy bedroom!

Keep on keeping on.... track that is

So as part of our non-fitness weekly challenge in the Holiday Hoedown at shrinkingjeans.net we have to outline 3 things we will do this month to stay on track with our weightloss goals. I have been thinking about this for days and am having a hard time thinking of anything different. We don't go to holiday parties, so I don't have to worry about limiting my party appetizers or alcohol intake. I do bake, but I give most of it away, or hubby takes it to work. I guess my 3 things will be the same as I have been doing so far,

1. Continue to exercise, I have slacked off the last couple of days.. oops. I need to get back into it starting tomorrow. (Not feeling it today)
2. Avoid bad fast food choices when out Christmas shopping. I know I'll be stuck going to McDonald's at least once when we go out shopping, and I know its all bad there, but some choices are better than others... I'll try my best!
3. Continue to drink the water.. I see and feel the difference when I drink the amount of water I'm supposed to each day.

I really wanted the bodymedia fit meter for either my birthday or Christmas, but that doesn't look like its going to happen :( Hopefully I can pick one up after the new year. I think that will give me even more motivation, and I'm really interested in seeing how many calories I burn doing the normal stuff I do every day!

End of week 2- Holiday Hoedown - And I lost!

This last week has been so entirely hectic! Basketball practices, a whole day of prepping for Thanksgiving, a house full of family on Thanksgiving, traveling to mother-in-laws after Thanksgiving.. Its nice to get back to the 'normal' routine this week! I ate, and I ate, and I even had pie..and soda, but I also worked my ass off! And it has paid off, 2 pounds lost this week! Can't beat going through the most food laden holiday of the year and coming out weighing less than you were before it! Now to survive Christmas!

My weight loss goals.

As I sit here eating my salad, and fantasizing about the fresh baked apple pie on my counter, I felt it was a good time to put my goals in text.

Why I want to lose weight:

• To be healthier. I have 2 herniated disks in my back and asthma. Losing weight will greatly improve both problems.
• To be stronger mentally. To learn to make the right food choices and lifestyle choices so I'm not always depressed about how I look, and then turn to food as a comfort, which makes it worse.
• To be a better parent. Yes, I know.. I don't have to be skinny to be a good mom, but there are some sub points to this goal.

1. To be able to keep up with my kids. Running, playing, walking, etc. and to be able to be here longer for them in the future.

2. To not embarrass my kids. The last thing I want is for mean spirited kids to pick on mine, making fun of them for having a fat mom.

3. To be able to save my kids from going through the weight battles I have gone through most of my life. To lead them by example, and help them be healthier as well.

• I want to be sexy. I'll admit it, I'm vain. I want to look pretty. But I'm so dam lazy about losing weight that I can never win. I want to be able to wear sexy clothes, and feel sexy in them. I want to be able to buy clothes from the normal section of the store and not the nasty plus size clothes 'designers' (and I use that term loosely) think we should wear. I want to be that MILF, I want the guys at my husbands job to be jealous of him for having a good looking wife. I've never thought of myself as pretty, not saying I have bad self esteem (ok, a little bad) but Ive just never thought I looked more than average at best. I have big boobs, most of the time that makes you pretty even if you have the face of a cocker spaniel. I remember the first time I walked into Victoria Secrets and the girls all looked at me like "Yea, ok.. you so don't belong in here" And I remember when I realized that I can actually fit in their thigh-high stockings, and not just go in there to buy cosmetics.. it was a glorious day, and I want MORE of those days!

My husband has always told me, I like 'big girls' [When I met him I was around 215 and I had just found out I was pregnant (Long back story there!). I was able to slim back down to right around that weight after I had my daughter. But then I went on Depo-Provera.. and that was the end of that, I started gaining weight, a little here, a little there, until it was ALL there. I stopped Depo about 6 1/2 yrs ago and I still deal with its side effects every day.] But back to my husband lol. He offers little to no support in all of this, yea, I get the occasional "Wow, you're doing great" but that's not enough. He still eats like we used to, he needs to lose weight as well, but he's to stubborn to be coaxed into it. I feel there are days he tries to sabotage me. We will be eating dinner and he will offer me some of what is left in the pan, knowing full well that Ive carefully put just enough on my plate. He's even told me.. "I think I just like you fat". I think he gets very insecure and somewhat jealous, and wants me to be more undesireable to others. This is the same man who was jealous over the attention I was getting for having blue hair! So that explains that! Ok. On to my goals.

Long Term Goals:

1) To weigh 175 - 180 lbs. As of today 11/24/10 this leaves me 95-100 lbs to lose.

2) To change my way of thinking that allows me to lead a healthier lifestyle. Train myself to NOT want the bad things. Or at least want them in moderation.

3) Introduce more weight training into my working out to firm up the muscle and skin I already have.

Short Term Goals:

1) To lose at least 8 lbs a month. I know as I lose more weight, I'll have a harder time losing more per week, its ok, just means I have to work harder.

2) Live each day, and if I happen to mess up and eat something bad don't condemn myself for it, just either work out a little more that day, or push it harder the next day.

3) Be able to walk my sons Jr High school schedule without being out of breath - by end of December.

If I can think of anymore, I will add to this later.

Jenn

Holiday Hoe Down, end of week 1

WOWSA! Ok, so after shrinkvivor was over on ShrinkingJeans.net I slacked off, got lazy and gained a few of the pounds back.. bad me, I know. Well this week brought on a whole new change! I went to the gym like I was supposed to, I ate better (still not great), and I added more exercise in throughout my day and I lost 4 lbs this week! I was thrilled to see that scale reward me for all my hard work.. and seeing that number gives me satisfaction and more incentive to keep going. I love being challenged to make each new week better than the last.

This week has been full of long days so far. On Monday night I had to drive an hour to go watch my 7th grader play basketball for 2 hours and then drive another hour back home.. in the horrible wind! I hate driving in wind most of all, add in dark and rain (Which there was plenty of) and you have the trifecta of evil. My hands were cramped from grabbing the wheel so tight the whole way home, and I felt like I was going to puke most of the way from nerves. I come home to an unusually unsympathetic husband in a pissy mood (because I didn't get his text in time the night before) to top it all of. BLAH. Tuesday morning was my 5th graders field trip to the Challenger Learning Center, oh how I love that place. I got to get my space geek on! Of course a 45 minute bus ride there was oh so entertaining! After dealing with 37 10-11yr olds, we stopped at Burger King for lunch (Oh YAY.. NOT) and I ended up with an ice coffee that was neither large enough nor did it contain nearly enough vodka! Thats my downfall, my comfort 'food'. Ice coffee. I prefer it from Dunkin Donuts, but since we don't have one closer than 45 mins away, McDonald's comes in close second. I refuse to give this up for ANY diet. There are just those certain things that we need to make us feel alright, and while It may not be the best thing I can have, it surely cannot be the worst! Then I got teased by being able to come home for 40 minutes until it was back out to drop the boy off at basketball and take the girl to dance, and finally getting back home at 7:30, and wanting to go to bed at 7:35. At least today I get to do something for me, I have a nail appointment this afternoon! YAY! Even though I will have the 5yr old in tow, it will be nice to get pampered for a little while.

On the downside to all of this losing weight stuff, I need a belt. Maybe I should tell my husband to buy me one for my birthday.. after all, its cheaper than a whole new wardrobe... for now lol

Whew, ok here we are.. my FIRST ever blog post! I have evolved! In the last 2-3 months I have decided to take back my life. I'm taking it back from the bad food choices, the overeating, overindulging - or at least I'm trying.

I had followed my friend Lori's twitter for a while and had seen her posting about ShrinkingJeans.net, I decided to be a joiner.. and I am so glad I did! I joined their last challenge 'Shrinkvivor' and lost 20 lbs! So when they came out with 'Holiday Hoe Down' I jumped at the chance to join! 6 ladies with virtually the same goal, to support and motivate each other.. we are the "Jiggle Belles"! (Did you all hear that last part like it was Charlie's Angels? Cuz I did!)

As part of the non fitness challenge, ShrinkingJeans wants us to outline our weightloss goals. So, without further ado.. here it is:

How much do you want to lose? Well, I want to lose at least 15 lbs between now and New Years.

What are your fitness goals for this challenge? My goals are to work out at least 60 minutes a day, 3 days a week at the gym.. and between those days supplement at home with my EA Active and the Ab-Doer my mother so graciously bought me as a "I love you, but you need to change" present many years ago. Also, to get back on the better eating kick.. I slacked a little after Shrinkvivor ended, and need to buckle back down.

What will you be doing to track your food or calories? I LOVE, LOVE myfitnesspal.com .. I cant say that enough! It allows me to log all of my food and exercise for the day.. It gives me a suggested calorie intake, and I LOVE when I click 'complete this entry' and it tells me how much less I will weigh in 5 weeks if I keep leaving calories on the table each day!

Well, there you have it.